Three Musketeers

• TOP NOTCH (my top choices)
• HONORABLE MENTION (well worth watching)
• YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER (I like them but you might not)
• CLASSICS (Great movies up through the 1960s - many don't have any rating)

 Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris O'Donnell

Summary -  The three best of the disbanded Musketeers - Athos, Porthos, and Aramis - join a young hotheaded would-be-Musketeer, D'Artagnan, when he uncovers the Cardinal's plans, and the four set out on a mission to protect King and Country.

Cautions - For a PG rating it's a bit raunchy. Plan on "in your face" cleavage, some light wenching and a creepy sex crazed Cardinal Richelieu. Also, watch out for various Chris O'Donnell attempts at acting... (more on that later). Oh, also, a lot of people get stabbed or fall to their death - BUT, it's The Three Musketeers! What did you think you were signing up for?

Commentary - Yes there are problems with this movie. The accents are mostly American but there are some English in there and one French (Since the story takes place in France it's interesting that the one French actor, Julie Delpy, has almost no screen time). The sets and locations are exquisite but we also have to look at Chris O'Donnell. The script is a nice short variation on the original story and has some great one liners (almost all from Oliver Platt):
 Porthos: Champagne?
Athos: We're in the middle of a chase, Porthos.
Porthos: You're right - something red. 

But there are also some real stinkers:
Cardinal (holding a messenger pigeon): Thanks to our feathered friends...😑

Honestly it doesn't matter what the rest of the line is or who delivered it - it's terminally bad writing.

And let's not forget Chris O'Donnell
Milady: Would you like something to drink?
D'Artagnan: Well, I am thirsty.

Many of the other bad lines were delivered by Chris O'Donnell and may have been salvaged with a better actor. O'Donnell is poorly cast for this role. He is inconsistent, two dimensional and lacks virtually any charisma. But the part of D'Artagnan seems difficult to cast for most movie versions of this story (Gene Kelly (1948) was amazing but a bit old, Michael York (1973) was great but a bit of an airhead, Logan Lerman (2011) had many of the same problems as Chris O'Donnell - bad acting and terrible hair). I would propose that the BBC series "Musketeers" probably has the best casting for the main cast.

What is going on with D'Artagnan's hair?!

Michael Kamen's score was enjoyable and filled with his traditionally plentiful french horns. But, trying to mimic the success of his "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" score two years before, the pop song tie-in was abusively bad. This may have something to do with me not being a Rod Stewart fan but it also just could be a bad song.

The action sequences are often quite good and the movie, not taking itself that seriously, lets us have fun with them. Top on my list is the ending sword fight with Michael Wincott's Rochefort. He is not on the screen enough in this movie in my opinion. Great energy and convincing technique.

Conclusion - This film gets a bad wrap but if your a fan of a romping adventure with a spirit of fun (and are willing to look past Chris O'Donnell), you might have a great time with this one.

NOTE: The 1973 and 1948 versions are also recommended. Although Gene Kelly was a bit old for the part of D'Artagnan in my opinion, he is the most fun to watch. Let's give him the last word.


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